One of the most stupid things you can do at this time of year is go shopping on Oxford Street. I mean, why would you decide, at this time of year, to go out into the heaving throngs to go shopping in the run-up to Christmas?
Here are some random thoughts – good and bad – that come from a couple of recent excursions in pursuit of Christmas gifts…
- Visit London won’t thank me, but there are far too many tourists
- since when have the Salvation Army started playing Careless Whisper by Wham?
- why would someone in Pret A Manger, on spotting a single long queue separating out into each till as a place becomes available, think that he could just walk to the front?
- does anyone ever go into the Gizmondo shop?
- “Sinners & Winners” guy has a new PA – not a megaphone any longer
- I wouldn’t want to work on the Evening Standard pitch near “Sinners & Winners” guy
- Argos is a complete bunfight at the collection point
- why does anyone buy any of the tat that’s sold as gadgets in clothes shops, eg shower radios from Next?
- none of the clothes shops had the gadget I was after, and I did look
- all those gadgets will be available at half price in less than seven days’ time
- as you go higher and higher into Hamleys, the queues to pay for your stuff get shorter and shorter
- wrapping paper is called “gift wrap” everywhere
- several people a day must get killed literally walking in front of buses – does everyone know that Oxford Street isn’t actually pedestrianised?
- no matter how busy it gets in the run up before Christmas, there’ll still be sales assistants ready to pounce as you enter, far too eager to grab you in mobile phone shops
- lots of sales have already started
- the sales start early every year
- those dodgy “auction” shops have reappeared after a long absence
- the Apple Store is a no-go zone with queues stretching nearly to the door
- the same stuff is available for the same price with far shorter queues in John Lewis
- I was stupid enough to leave my shopping until this week, so I deserve everything I get